Redemption

Start this off by saying it happens to the best of once every blue moon, but I hate it when I can’t redeem myself afterwards. So here I am another Sunday afternoon and my Bengals is looking like they bout to be dealt another defeat. With nothing left to do I decide to shuffle through my phone and see who I can text. I probably had text about four, five people before deciding to text this female that I hadn’t spoken to in a while. I send her a text to see what she is doing and if I could come over. She said she wasn’t doing anything but watching a movie and laying down. I asked if I could join her and she said sure. Now I haven’t even claim close to nailing this chick a few make out sessions and that’s about it. I been wanting to for a while so I grab a couple of latex force fields and hop in the ride and drive out there.

This was my first time at her new place so it took me awhile to find it, it appeared to be a quiet neighborhood so I figured I could spend a few hours there without worrying about my ride. I get to the door and knock a few times and when she answered she was still as thick as ever couldn’t help but to undress her with my eyes. As she let me in I stood by the door and let her lead the way so I could get a glimpse of her ass, she turned her head to say something to me and noticed where my eyes were fixated and tried to cover it up with her shirt. I laughed to myself like you going to need more than that to cover that up.

We head to the bed room because she didn’t have a tv in her living room and begin watching some movie who name escapes me at the moment. She began asking me how I been and what I been up to, I’m think to myself I’m trying to be up in you but I told her about my job situation and whatnot and she begins telling me about her moving to Florida some time next year. During this whole time I thinking of how I can make a move without trying to seem desperate or over eager. Then she asks if I had a girlfriend, she seem to ask this every time I see her. I tell her that I do but it looking like it’s about to end soon, so I’m not really on it anymore. She tells me that she has a boyfriend but it doesn’t seem like he has time for her. Then there is an awkward silence, So I sit there and watch the movie for a while then I asked her where her son is, I noticed I haven’t heard anything. She tells me he is with her parents and should have been back and she didn’t know why he wasn’t. This put an emergency notice in my head that I needed to act soon before I really end up coming her for just a movie.

I ask her about her modeling and if I could see some of the pictures. She was a little shy at first and told me that some are nude and she didn’t know if she wanted me to she her that way. I’m like we’re both adults and besides I bet they are beautiful anyway. She smiles and giggles a little bit and decides to let  me see them. She had them all saved on her computer so as she navigating to the folder they are at I scanning though the thumbnails to see which ones are the nude ones, but couldn’t find it before she clicked on a picture and made it full screen. The pictures where pretty nice, as she cycled though them she stopped and was like well that’s it. I’m like there are about fifty more pictures I can’t see those? She giggles again and say well its in color now and the color ones have the nudes I don’t know and besides I don’t like them. I smile and said its cool I won’t laugh. She start cycling though them again and when a nude one pop ups she hurries and click to the next one then after a while she slows it down and I get to see them and I must say for a woman of her size her stomach and pretty nice but the baby messed up her chest like with most woman but it was overlook-able.

We head back to the bedroom I getting more horny now after seeing the pictures. She asks me with I’m thinking about , I look at  her, smile and say  you. This bought a smile to her face so I lean over and begin to kiss her and then for someone reason I thought about the girl that I was dating even though it was looking like we should just end things about a week ago I still kind of felt guilty so I stopped and we began watching tv again a different movie was playing I believe Road Hogs. During this time her brother called and was coming over to grab something. When he arrived they went into the other room and started talking as I watched her walk out of the room just looking at her ass made me change my mind again.

Her brother comes  into the room and introduces himself to me and tells me about some job opportunity that sounded like a mid level marketing job. I politely told him I wasn’t interested and she walks him out to the car. I’m thinking when she comes back its on and popping I’m just gonna clear my head and go in for the kill. As she is out of course her parents pull up and drop her son of now I’m thinking I might as well head home the movie is off and her son is home. She is outside for another twenty minutes or so. She apologizes for keeping me waiting and tells her son to clean his room. We began talking again and I’m trying to kill a little time to not make it seem I’m only leaving because her son is there. In the middle of our conversation her son says he is done and if he can ride his bike outside,she checks his room and tells him yeah. I’m thinking this is my chance.

Her son leaves and I begin making my move and start kissing her on and slowly removing her clothing. Then once again start thinking about the girl I was dating so I’m starting to get out of the mood but it was too late I already had this thick sista on top of asking me to put a condom on. I’m like whatever at this point and slip it on and slip it in. So here I am laying under this chick with her riding me and thinking about my girl and couldn’t really get into I notice she noticed that as well and tried to get a little more active. But I just couldn’t do it I say about a whole a minute at least passed before I started feeling the calvary marching. I thinking this can’t be life, I tried to hold it in but it just wasn’t happening I could tell she wasn’t satisfied yet so I tried to continue going for another three minutes she climbed off me probably to change positions but she noticed I was limp and the condom looked filled. She didn’t say anything but she took the condom off me and disposed of it ( I hope lol). When she left the room I couldn’t believe the lack luster performance I just did but figured it was for the best. After cleaning myself up and talking for a little while longer I left. Thinking I’m gonna have to do that again I can’t let that be the last sexual impression she has of me.

To be continued…

Been a long time

Hey I know I haven’t been on in a while been busy with stuff. Just recenty downloaded the app for the andriod phone, can’t see myself using it to make full blogs but more like editing drafts that I haven’t posted up yet. Tons of things to talk about from me moving to a new city, what is going in personal to what the heck is going on with the nfl and this damn lockout look for me to be posting a lot more come mid July. 

My First One Night Stand

So I’m at home  watching a movie enjoying a quiet night without my son, when I hear an email come through on my laptop it’s around 1030 pm so I’m thinking its one of those emails from some hiphop message board I signed up for. The movie wasn’t all to entertaining so I decided to check it out. It’s an email from one of the dating sites I’m signed on and it was from a user I haven’t contacted before. So I go to read the message and it’s says something along the lines of “Hey I just checked your profile and you’re sexy as hell” I go to check her profile but she had no pictures up and her profile wasn’t very informative so I messaged back saying ” thanks and wish I could return the compliment” she sends me her number and tells me to text her and she will send them.

So I obliged and texted her saying “Hey whats up you just gave me your number on so and so site ” she text me back with a pic talking about how she is new to the city and haven’t had any in about a year. I’m thinking to myself um ok so we continue chatting it up for about thirty minutes and she asks if I can come over and fuck. First thought that popped in my mine was DON’T DO IT! ITS A TRAP!!!!. Mind you through out the whole texting convo she was sending me pictures without me asking. But I’m like I don’t think anybody in my city would set something like this up but I could be wrong so I ask for her address and what time I should slide through she tell me around midnight and I’m like cool see you then.

When it’s about that time she text me and tells me that she is nervous and doesn’t know if she wants to do it anymore and ask if I just wanted to come and watch a movie I thinking to myself why would I want to come and watch a movie but I had nothing else planned and wanted to see how this would turn out. So I’m like yeah we can do that. I arrive to her place around 12:15-ish and she is waiting by the door, I had a little trouble with finding her place. So I follow her into the building and up the stair being very cautious about my surroundings and once I seen there was no sign of danger once we got to her room. I began to relax and started watching the movie and chopping it up (talking/conversing ) with her. Towards the end of the (it was actually a good movie, this is why I waited so long to make a move) I asked her why she was seating so far and motioned for her to come closer. So now we are cuddled up on the couch and I start making my move rubbing my hands on her body seeing if there was going to be any resistance or uneasy moving. She responded by doing the same and at the movie conclusion she climbed on top of me and we started kissing. Now I failed to mention her built but she was a cool slim chick small breast nice firm ass the type of ass you’ll only notice once the clothes come off, (swear I’m starting to love slim chick) but I digress so I’m palming her ass as she on top of me and decided to lay her down. Now of course I just meet her so I go to do the usually check for blisters or bumps on or around her nana so I began licking on her inner and go down towards her pussy and glently pass by it of course getting a good sniff to make sure it wasn’t foul after that I slid of her panties and do the same this time inspecting for bumps or blisters but play it off as if I’m just fingering her and my other fingers or just on top rubbing once there was any clear signs of anything, I begin to lift her in the air with her legs around my waist and tried to get it in but she either wasn’t lying about not having any in a year or was just a virgin so. I deicide to flip her around and do a standing 69 with more focus on her giving me head.

We then proceed to the bed room she asked me to get on top,  so I put the condom on and as I mounted her and begin to ease my way inside her I could feel her walls trying to stretch out to allow me in. I’m thinking to myself this girl has to be a virgin and was just feining for some dick and didn’t know how to go about doing it but any who, once I’m inside and started working my way around I see the expression on her face the expression of pain and pleasure so I’m trying my hardest not to go into full beast mode and just work my way around slowly going in out and then she pushes me off, I’m thinking she just wanted to get on top to be in more control, but she told me she couldn’t take it anymore. I’m sitting her like what the fuck but being the gentleman that I am said ok that’s cool well thanks for the movie and what not and proceeded to leave thinking maybe next weekend she be more ready. I haven’t heard from girl since then, tried texting a couple of times and still haven’t heard anything

How you know she is not worth the trouble

So lately I been thinking a little bit, how will you be able to tell if a girl is not worth the trouble of trying to settle down with. and I came up with a few secenrios. You might not agree with some of them but they are just my person opinion, feel free to add your own in the comments or tell me if you disagree with any.

First sign, if she has three or more kids by different men.  I can somewhat understand two but three times, I mean three that’s like three bad choices and its even worst when there is barely an age gap. if the age gap is less then two years its like what the hell you couldn’t wait? The oldest is four middle child is two and the youngest is eight months and they all have different dads. That’s a huge red flag she collecting child support form three different guys and trying to make you number four. Don’t buy into that I’m a different person now and I have matured or the worst one ever I’m a born again christian/virgin. No bitch it don’t work that way ‘scust.

Second sign, when they think about letting their baby father move back in. What? really?!?!? yes I actually expericened this one personally.  Hearing them say well he going to sleep on the couch he don’t sleep with me and we not going to have sex, you don’t have anything to worry about. Like hell I don’t you letting the man you let knock you up lay his head at your place and you want me to believe nothing is going on? Get the F*ck out of here with that BS (GTFOHWTBS), she needs to be drop straight to jumpoff status after even thinking something like that would be cool.

Third sign, Every time you come over she asking you to bring her something to eat. Seriously do you not have anything to eat why do you always ask me to bring something? Its even worst if she is asking for you to bring something for her and her kid(s). This is something that should not be tolerated a once or twice a month ok cool, but every single time you come around! , aww hell naw.

Fourth sign, This kind of ties into the third but when ever you go over there only thing she has to eat is Ramen noodles and a half gallon of milk and a box of store brand cereal. I mean you couldn’t at buy a box of trix or something at least? This is even worst when they have a lot of designer clothes and a nice a car pure sign of poor money management skills.

Fifth sign, she can’t keep her boost mobile phone on or constantly asking if you can pay it for her. Its a boost for crying out loud, their whole business is about having affordable phones. If she can’t manage that how you expect her to be able to contribute to the relationship financially.  Unless you trying to be a sugar daddy then by all means look past the third through fifth signs.

Why is your ass hairy as a kiwi >:(

Let me start this off for anyone that follows me by saying, my last relationship ended due to something I wasn’t even worried about smh. But any who so I get a text from an old jump off around 1 am the other night asking me if she can come over and stay a night. I’m thinking to myself like naw, one I would have to pick this chick up and drop her off, two I don’t want her here with me in the morning. I haven’t had any decent head in a while and I really couldn’t remember her skills in that department. So after coming up with a brilliant idea on why she wont be able to stay long in the morning I go and pick her up.

We get back to my place around 130 am and she makes herself comfortable in my room, a little too comfortable as she lies on my side of the bed. It was obvious she hasn’t been at my place in a while so I let it slide while I got undress and then gently pushed her off my side. I notice she rolls over with her back facing me and thinking to myself I know this chick did not think she was about to come over with nothing going down. I shrugged it off and rolled over and started watching Trigun ( a pretty good anime if you get the chance to watch it) . Now as I’m watching tv I hear her phone constantly vibrating and then she lets out a long sigh and answers it. I hear a guy’s voice on the other line and somewhat pay attention to the conversation and realized that she must be over here because she having boyfriend issues so while she on the phone with old boy I begin to feel up on her and til she gets off once she gets off I immediately stop, roll back over, and continue watching my program. Of course now she all hot and bothered she climbs on my back and starts giving me a massage and old boy calls back and start saying he wants to see her I guess, I heard her tell him she not at home so he’ll have to come another night. She gets off the phone and massage me for about another 5 mins and climbs off and lays back down. I’m like ok I see where this is going so I start feeling on her again and not paying any attention to her ass at all just rubbing on her titties. She starts getting undressed and I do the same she reaches down into her jacket and pulls out a condom and hands it to me. I’m thinking like my dick still dry she needs to perform some type of lips service down there before  I put this on, so I asked and she is like I have done that several times before and I’m like um so?,  but she didn’t do it which killed the mood for me really.

I go ahead and put the condom on and proceed to spoon the chick and once again not pay any attention to her ass. Now the thing about the chick is that she is mixed with black and chinese so her body wasn’t something I really paid attention to she is more just an exotic type female because of the mixture. But I digress, so I continue spooning still only paying attention to her titties and grabbing her hair. Still thinking of her not giving me head I decide to bend her over and proceed to pound away doggie style and pull on her rather she liked it or not I didn’t care. So I’m hitting from different positions and different angles all from the back, then I started getting that sensation and as I’m bout to bust I pull out, rip off the condom (don’t trust condoms females give me) and bust on her back and ass. I get up and leave the room and tell her I’ll be right back. Now mind you I’ve never seen her naked with lights on. so as I’m in the bathroom washing myself off she walks in behind me so I decide to wipe the cum off of her and as she turns around I notice this chick ass is hairy as heck like wtf why is your ass this hairy???? I didn’t say anything but it killed any sexual desire I would have for her in the future. I couldn’t believe I instantly thought of  kiwi skin and how hairy it is and was pretty much the same. Wow is all I can say about that she needs to either get a wax or stay in the dark.

Trust issues

Don’t even know how to start this one off but I always been the type to be in a committed relationship, that all changed after my failed relationship with my son’s mother. After that my attitude towards it was nonchalant and I figure it wasn’t any point and doing it. So I just messed around with females some having boyfriends, just broken up with one, one that was married but separated, some that was in the beginning of a relationship but didn’t want to have sex with them so they called me to fill that role. And during this time I seen how some would even text the guy or even call the guy while with me. Some could have just left a date with them or just seen the guy but would come over to me to have sex. Not all of them was like this but most of them were, at the time it really didn’t bother me I just didn’t care at really. I would find my self having sex with multiple women throughout the day or week. Around the time I figured this lifestyle wasn’t for me I started looking for someone to be with and now that I found someone the thoughts of what the other females did is in the back of my head. Which increase the trust issues caused from the relationship with my son’s mom. Even with no evidence and no characteristics of a person that would do something like that it stills bother me. Mainly because a couple of the females didn’t seem that way as well and but they just wasn’t ready to have sex with the guy yet. I mean I had sex with her and everything so I don’t feel that is an issue but it’s just knowing that she could possible be like the other females that I previously messed around with that sucks.

Its like once you are exposed to something its hard not to think like something like that can happen to you. Guess I just have to have trust in that she will not be like the others and see what happens. I can’t go on with a relationship with anyone if I always have that fear in my head. As long as I do my part if she decides to do other things on the side that will be on her conscience not mine. It would still hurt if she was though but just can’t think that way

Transitioning From Bachelor Life To Committed Relationship

As I mentioned in a previous post I have decided to finally settle down and become committed to a single woman. Which for the most part is a very easy task. But with some of the insecurities that I have it makes it a little difficult. especially at times where I start thinking she is up to something even with no proof whatsoever. I find myself wanting to call up old jumpoffs during the nights that I’m not with her even if I had been with her earlier in the day. I just wanting to go and get head from certain females who made my toes curl but, I have never cheated on anybody I been with and don’t plan on doing so. It’s just that the old life style that I kind of became accustomed to, tends to slip into my mind frame and I be on the verge of going back even though I am in a relationship now.

Just this past weekend I came across two text one was a jumpoff and the  other was my son’s mother. The jumpoff who shall be named ericka from here on. She had called me up on some she still wants to be with me and wants me to come through for a little bit and see her. Now this chick is thick and all the right place, oral skills is top-notch and she knows how to work the dick her only down fall was that she was a little to hood for my liking cursed too much and smoked both huge turn offs in my book. I had to let her down with the will should just be friends and when that didn’t seem to be working told her I just didn’t have gas luckily she doesn’t  have a car so it all worked out in the end.

Then it was my son’s mother who came over just a few days ago our last sexual encounter was forgettable and she just doesn’t do it for me anymore. I don’t know why that is but her oral skills are off the charts. Now she has been abstinent for about four months according to her and she was in desperate need of some. She was trying to negotiate with me on doing something with her even called me into the room and offered to give me head saying it’s not cheating if she is the only one that does something I don’t know how I built up the strength to block out the urge  of dick trying to take over and let her do it but I did.

I don’t know how long this can last not too mentioned the friend that I have that wanted me to have sex with her to get back at her boyfriend is having relationship problems and she is hinted that she would like for that to happen again. This is becoming more difficult than what I had imagined it would but I think I can make it work

Coping with insecurities in a relationship

So I finally decided to try and settle down with someone after 3 years, and all I can say is that I probably need more time to deal with the insecurities that I developed from my last relationship. I find myself constantly wondering what she doing or who she is talking to on the phone. I never act out on any of them I just keep the questions to myself and pretend that I’m not bothered by it. She hasn’t given me any reason to doubt her so I can’t think of anything other than maybe I’m still not ready to settle down. I do not know how other people can so easily get back on the dating scene after being lied to by someone they was in a relationship with and had real feeling for them. This was the first time it had happened to me and some people it takes multiple times for them to even develop any type of insecurities. I really want this to work, but I just don’t know how to get past this. Ignoring it and trying to brush it off as if I not worried about it doesn’t seem to be working. I also don’t want to come off as someone that has trust issues. At times I dislike being sensitive/emotional but I can’t help it. Maybe I should of just stayed the way I was and just give up on relationships  and just continued casually dating until I was for certain that I was over my insecurities. Funny quote that I read today “Most of the things we worry about never happen” hopefully it stays that way 😀

How do you know if you are in a relationship?

I am lost on how do you know if you are in a relationship nowadays. Is it when you guys come to a mutual agreement, is it when you first become intimate or is it when you change your status on facebook from single to in a relationship? I been on the dating scene for a while now and I still have no clue to when it is determined that you are in. I had encounters where I would be messing around with someone for months and still not be in a committed relationship. Most of the time they would be the one to bring up the question  of what is our relationship status or what are we?. With friends with benefits becoming so popular its hard to tell. It seems to me unless it is stated somewhere that you guys are in a relationship it taken as you are just friends with benefits or just messing around. When I was younger for me once you kissed a girl she was your girlfriend then later on it turned into once you had sex now I just don’t know when it is that you are in one.

Being trapped by her man

I can not stand when a female gets “traps” by a man and think that she can not function properly without him. I have this friend who is a prime example of this, first her excuse was well we have a kid together and I don’t want to break up our family. Mind you this guy was caught cheating and that’s why she was about to leave him. Then a few days later and a few kind gestures here and there. She back on how much she love him and how she is so happy. Then he cheats again then she like I’m for real this time we are done. This lasted about a month, I’m guessing that month was too long for her because she then ended up pregnant by him. But here’s the kicker….It was twins!!! So now she has three kids by the guy who was already caught cheating twice (that I know of) now he still cheating and “working late” Barely come see the kids talking about he needs time to relax because he been working all day. So he goes out to party and hang with his friends while she at home taking care of the kids. She catches him cheating again and decided to give yours truly a call so she can get even with him I guess. So after getting served, she goes back to him and then they (she) works something out and now of a sudden they a happy family. But he goes back on his old ways and she at home miserable calling me while she drunk telling me all these sob stories then he slips up again and replaces a condom in his car that she took out once before when she had found it. So then she acts like she is determined to get him out her life and she start talking this and that stuff. And just a few moments ago she texted talking about how she was about to do this and that to him sexually all this time I thinking like this guy knows that you not going anywhere that why he do what he do. Its bad enough she feels that nobody will wont here because she gain some weight and have three kids. Once a some manipulating guy learns that he has a female depending on him and one with low self-esteem he will run with that and treat her however no matter if they have a kid(s) or not. because he know he can get away with whatever and she is not going to do anything. All I can do is shake my head when I talk to her because if I try to bring it up she does not want to hear it. I honestly just on the verge of not caring and let her live in her little fantasy world where every thing is peachy keen. But in reality she just being trapped by this man. What to do what to do……